Potty training – where do I begin?

January 7, 2018 jetminx

First off let me begin by saying I am not a potty training expert. I just wanted to share my experience with potty training my toddler in the hopes that it will help any other confused parents like I was, who are looking for advice on what to do.

Every parents experience with this is different and will depend on so many variables.

What age -v- maturity level
How much time you can dedicate -v- what method you choose
Boy -v- girl
Listening to advice
Teaching an only child -v- a toddler with siblings
Potty or poo fear
What we did
Equipment

First of all, in my own personal research on the subject of potty training, one of my biggest peeves was how much people would talk before getting down to the nitty-gritty details… and so, to avoid that happening here, let me jump right in, and hopefully I won’t drag on too much.

1. What age -v- maturity level

In one of the popular potty training books I read, it was highly recommended (almost forcefully) that this is done when your child is between 20-30 months old, with 24 months being the ideal age. Apparently the longer you wait the harder it is. Also important – perhaps more so – regardless of a child’s age, is looking for the signs or cues from your child to show that they are ready.

There are varying degrees of readiness that people will suggest to decide whether your child is ready and I shall name a few below because I remember how much I wanted to know what to look for specifically. But before I list them, the one piece of advice I will give you is that YOU know your child and you should always follow your gut as to whether you think your child is ready. I suspected my little boy was ready but I was also fully prepared to stop and start again at a later stage if it turned out that he wasn’t. That being said, here are some of the signs to look out for, consolidated from my potty training book and online searches. Your child does not have to show every sign from this list, but if they are showing just one or two it could be an indication that they are ready to be potty trained:

does your child go into a private area to wee or poo?
can your child say his ABCs?
can your child communicate his needs to you, e.g. to ask for food/water?
does your child have regular poos at relatively predictable times, and doesn’t poo during the night?
does your child have dry periods of at least one or two hours, or wakes up with a dry nappy after a nap?
can your child pull their pants up and down with only a little help?
does your child show an interest when you go to the bathroom?

2. How much time you can dedicate -v- what method you choose

How quickly you want your child potty trained will depend on how much time you are willing to spend teaching them. If you are not consistent it could take a lot longer. There are various methods online that suggest anything from training your child in one day, up to taking a whole year!

I would suggest having a look at the different options out there and choosing one that suits your circumstances best.

One piece of advice that I took to heart was that doing the 3-day method, while intensive, got everything out of the way fairly quickly (despite this method sometimes taking, in truth, up to a week to complete, if not longer.) Whereas other longer methods can be frustrating for both parent and child in the long run, which could be so disheartening that you end up falling back on a quicker method anyway.

3. Boy -v- Girl

Apparently boys are harder to potty train than girls because they “show less interest in potty training”, and “may start the process later than girls”. To be honest, I don’t believe this to be true. I started potty training my little boy at the same time my sister began with her little girl and I would say that despite having different hurdles to overcome they are both doing well and took about the same time (roughly) to train. In fact, I would say my son took to weeing in his potty or toilet a lot better, despite being 6 weeks younger than his cousin. So, if you read that boys may have more accidents than girls or complete potty training at a later age than girls, just know that this most certainly was not true in our experience.

One of the actual differences I have encountered between boys and girls is that boys do sometimes need help “aiming” their wee down into the potty whereas girls do not really have this problem. That being said, boys have it easier cleaning-up after a wee than girls, and when you are out and about a portable potty urinal is pretty easy to use for a boy.

4. Listening to advice

There is soooo much advice out there, not only online but also from family members and friends – whether you go searching for it or whether it is offered voluntarily. It can be very contradicting and confusing and downright depressing, especially when you hear how well your parents did training you – dry by 20 months don’t you know! Or, friends that aren’t very happy when your child has a little accident on their floor.

Do your best to waddle through all this and try not to get too disheartened. Hopefully along the way you will pick up a few gems of advice that work really well for you.

5. Teaching an only child -v- a child with siblings

I have an “only child”, so can’t give much advice on this particular subject. However that being said, my son has a cousin (more like a sister) who is 6 weeks older than him and who started potty training around the same time, and so I do have one thing to say about his experience with “a sibling”…

Every time my son and his cousin were together they absolutely loved showing off to each other about how well they were doing using their potties. It even got a little competitive sometimes. Honestly, I think this is a great way to encourage your child in training, just seeing another child using the potty can really help build their excitement and enthusiasm. Heck, if you don’t have another potty trained child handy I would even suggest getting the grandparents over and letting your child show off to them! Obviously this won’t necessarily be the case for all children but it really did work wonders for my son and it may work just as well for you.

6. Potty or Poo fear

Whether you’ve come across this before or not, let me tell you that poo fear is a genuine problem. When we first started potty training our son he was absolutely terrified about having to poo outside the comfort and privacy of his nappy.

From a very young age my son seemed to have an awareness about pooing being a very private matter and would retreat into the corner of a room to do his poo. Once the pooing episode was over he would run about with a dirty nappy as if nothing had happened, and the moment my husband or I approached him he would run a mile or hide behind the sofas to avoid a nappy change. He never did this when his nappy was wet, only dirty.

I always found this private behaviour quite grown up of him and knew it was one of the signs that he was ready to be potty trained… honestly, I had no idea that to him it might be linked with poo fear later on.

In the potty training book I read it was made clear that if your child has no problem weeing but seems afraid of pooing, then it isn’t actually the act of pooing itself that your little one fears but actually of pooing in a potty. The book stressed you remember the fear is very real for your child. If your child is facing this issue my heart truly goes out to you. I understand your pain and the feeling of helplessness. It is a huge hurdle for you, as parents, to help your child overcome.

During his bare bottomed potty training my son would always run away to do a poo, which would inevitably land on the floor. When this first happened he would get so upset that he would cry uncontrollably and shake in horror – and heaven forbid we attempt putting him on the potty as he was about to poo, or if he was in the middle of a poo – he would have a complete meltdown. BUT please rest assured – this does not last! Your child WILL get over their fear, however long it takes. Persevere and try to help your child master his fear, letting them know their feelings are important whilst at the same time trying to teach them that poo does not have to be a scary thing and he does not have to be afraid when accidents happen.

I remember one particular occasion where my son had pooed on the kitchen floor and when I had tried to approach him he had tearfully jumped up and down in said poo, further increasing his stress levels. He ran around the kitchen screaming and all I could do was kneel down and wait for him to come to me, which undoubtedly he did… red faced and soaked with his tears, stumbling into my open arms, crawling up and clinging onto me as if his life depended on it. I hugged him with all of my heart, feeling his pain as keenly as if it were my own. After his tears subsided the only thing I could think to do was make a game of cleaning the poo up (my son loves to help me clean). That is how my husband found us a short time later, both covered in poo on our knees with a baby-wipe in each hand as we wiped the floor down. My husband promptly left to run us a bath and to my great relief took over clean up. The reason I tell you this story is because I know how awful poo fear is and how very distressing it can be for children. Above all, from my own experience, just being there to let them know it’s okay is probably the best thing you can do. Having you as an emotional support will go a long way. But obviously you will need to do more than that to overcome this.

My husband and I searched high and low for the answer to this, for anything, and here are some of the tips we found helpful. Hopefully something will work for you. But above all do not lose heart.

when they do a poo in their nappy sit them on the toilet or potty (if they let you) to help them realise poo needs to be done on the toilet.
empty their poo from their nappy into the toilet with them and say this is where poo goes.
show them their poo in the toilet and wave goodbye to it before flushing it down the toilet (my son loved saying goodbye and waving to his poo as it was flushed away!)
if they let you put them on the toilet or potty, try cutting a hole in their nappy so that they still feel comfortable pooing but it lands safely in the proper place.
eventually if the above works you could try laying an open nappy down in the potty so when your child needs to poo they feel more comfortable sitting into a nappy and pooing … alternatively you could try laying some toilet paper down across the toilet seat so that when your child sits on the toilet the paper is pressed against their bottom which could also help them feel more comfortable.
try to reward your child with treats when they do a poo and make sure to commend them.
if you’re feeling brave try letting your little one watch you doing a poo, this is actually supposed to help believe it or not…
try using a reward chart, my son loves stars and so we bought him a magnetic reward chart where he got a star for each time he did a poo on the toilet, even if half of it landed on the floor!
lastly, after your child has done a poo and needs to be cleaned up, try toilet tissue if they do not like wet wipes. My son always screamed when we tried to clean him with wet wipes, but was happy for us to use tissue initially and give him a final clean with a wet wipe right at the end.

Remember to keep calm and reassure them. Not all of the above ideas will necessarily work but even if one does then it will be worth it. You will get there eventually, I promise.

7. What we did

When our son started showing an interest in the toilet we were thrilled, but had little expectations. He was about 20 months old and while he could say a few words, wee and poo were not amongst them. But spurred on by his interest, we encouraged him to sit on the toilet every time he seemed inclined to do so. Eventually this led to his first wee (a magical moment!) We decided to start putting him on the toilet regularly before his bath each evening, which soon increased to mornings as well. Our son loved weeing on the toilet, and by the time he was 22 months we decided it was time to officially start potty training him.

I did a bit of research into potty training methods and as the Christmas holidays were approaching decided to try the intense 3 day method while my husband would be around to help and while I knew we did not have any pressing engagements. There are a few variations on this, and I suggest you research it in full for specific how-to instructions, but this is the gist of what we did:

Day 1 : explain to your child that they will no longer be wearing nappies. Put them on the toilet in the morning and throw away their nappy from the night. Or, better yet, get them to throw their nappy away themselves. My niece loves doing this. As far as they are concerned that’s it for nappies from now on (just be sure to hold some back secretly for nap and night times if you have chosen to night train at a later date).

For the rest of the day keep them bare bottomed. I bought my son some leggings to keep him warm and he wore a t-shirt, occasionally with a jumper. We also turned the heating up a notch. And try to keep the fluids coming constantly, you want your child juiced up as much as possible. Plenty of fruit (like watermelon) and veggies are good to help with this too, and avoid anything with caffeine in it.

The hardest part of Day 1 was putting him on his potty every 15-20 minutes, whether or not he needed to wee. Initially we set an alarm to do this, but soon found ourselves in a regular pattern. When the time is up, you are supposed to tell them it’s potty time or wee time as you lead them over to the potty, making sure not to ask them if they need a wee or poo, as their response will ultimately be “no”. Then, if a wee happens (yay!) they should get plenty of praise and applause, but without going overboard so that they don’t loose heart if a wee doesn’t happen the next time (good luck finding this balance!).

For the mistakes a firm yet gentle voice would be required telling them wee or poo is for the potty. This method relies on commendation as an incentive to help your child, not telling them off for the mistakes, but also not giving them praise unless it is done right.

During this day you need to give your child undivided attention. You have to watch and learn any clues from your child to signal that they might need to wee or poo, especially if they cannot yet say the words to let you know they need to go. This would be a great opportunity to try teaching them the words, whichever ones you have chosen, and remember to be consistent with what you call wee or poo to avoid any confusion. One tip could be if you think your child needs to do a wee or poo perhaps try patting your own bottom and asking “do you need a poo?”, this can help them understand what you mean and teach them the correct words to use. My sister does this and her daughter knows which side means which.

When my son needed to go, he would usually freeze on the spot, squat slightly, and then grab himself when he needed to wee. This was also similar for when he needed to poo only he would try reaching for his bottom instead.

Whenever you see the signs your child will make always grab them and put them straight on the potty or toilet, whichever is closest. Eventually they will link weeing with their potty and understand what to do. Do not underestimate children, they are so eager to learn and love praise when you reward them. If your child is having trouble understanding then using a child’s potty book can help, I’ve listed the one we got in the equipment section below.

For nap time you could skip using a nappy altogether, as long as your child does a wee right before they go to sleep. We constantly have a waterproof mattress protector down just in case of any accidents. For nighttime we are still using nappies, because this is our preference, even though our son usually wakes up dry. However, do some research into this for yourself. I read that giving a child his bottle 2 hours before bedtime and then limited fluids thereafter was helpful with keeping your child dry through the night and would mean they woke up thirsty which would give you a good start to the day with potty training.

Day 2 : As with day 1, as soon as your child gets up remove their nappy (if you’ve used one), and sit them on the potty or toilet. Hopefully they will do a nice big wee (although personally in our experience we have found that our son likes to have his breakfast first). Today your child should wear pants, and you should put them on the potty every 30-40 minutes.

This day was probably the worst for us. My son was stressed from all of the learning that previous day and was acting up more than usual, and he was now having to face the obstacle that pants provided. We had more accidents this day but don’t give up on those pants whatever you do… My son enjoyed day 1 of naked butt time so much that it was a real struggle getting him to keep his pants on after that. He would take them off at every opportunity, and occasionally he would poo in them too (although this was much better than him pooing on the floor, in my opinion).

Day 3: This was pretty much the same as day 2 only he was supposed to wear trousers too. We skipped this completely. It was hard enough getting my son to keep his pants on, let alone trousers too! By this day my son was starting to sit on his potty unaided. I can’t tell you what an amazing feeling it is the first time your child rushes to the potty for a wee without any prompting!

This is basically the method that worked for us. After day 3 it got easier and easier, and after one weeks training my son was going to the potty all by himself whenever he felt the urge. We still occasionally take him to the toilet or potty if he is showing signs of needing to go, because accidents can still happen even after children are potty trained.

A few tips I found helped …

If pants give your child a wedgie try boxers, they do these in toddler sizes and are the cutest things.
Try using a size up for underwear initially as this will be easier for your child to pull up and down.
Follow your child’s cues, if sitting them on the potty every 15 minutes on day 1 is too stressful and they aren’t going then try increasing the time to every 30-40 mins, or whatever is more suitable. Just make sure you do it consistently.
If I could go back in time I would probably have kept pants/boxer shorts on my son from Day 1. He loved naked time so much that he still pulls his trousers and boxers off and it feels like we are back to square one with teaching him to wear clothes… but that is another story entirely.
If your want some tools to help your child with potty training, I would recommend Elmo’s Potty Time DVD or you could even get the potty training doll complete with its own potty for the doll to sit on. These interactive tools can really be of use when getting your child interested in the potty.
Lastly, you could try using a bath mat for the potty to rest on for any little accidents or spills.

8. Equipment

Equipment you buy can range from the very basic to the very luxurious, and this will depend on how flexible or fussy your child is. My son loved watching himself wee on the toilet and hated being low to the ground on a cold potty, so I found a potty in the shape of a toilet which he loved.

jetminx

A mother of one crazy fun loving little boy who loves to keep her on her toes. Georgette likes to bake, read, and write.

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