The Ark
All ready and out the house early which is an unusual thing for me as there is usually a nappy or outfit change or an “I need feeding this minute” moment. I check the time again I’m so nervous, not sure why, it isn’t my first visit to the ark*, but it is my first one alone.
I get there 10 minutes early and go to the waiting area. I’m kept waiting for what seems like a lifetime but in reality was no longer than 10 minutes after my appointment time.
We are called in and I’m introduced to the clinical psychologist. She wants to observe Lexi. I watch as Lexi plays next to psychologist, but seems to not notice her existence. I’m asked to call her and she doesn’t blink, just carries on with pushing the flap down on her toy. The psychologist asks if Lexi ever responds to her name and I reply no. She asks if I think she knows her name and I tell her yes because she smiles sometimes when you call her. The paediatrician asks me more questions about anything that has changed since the last time I was there. I answer as best I can all the time wondering what the clinical psychologist is writing. After roughly 20 minutes they ask me to leave so they can discuss their findings.
I’m probably only outside around 5 minutes but it seems forever until I’m finally called back in. The clinical psychologist says the words I’ve both been dreading and longing to hear.
“I share your concerns of autism and feel Alexis needs to be assessed”.
A tear rolls down my cheek. I knew it was coming but the emotions are just overwhelming. She asks if I’m okay. I tell her it is a weird feeling to be relieved that it isn’t just me overreacting, yet also that it was still hard to hear. I know I have a fight to get Lexi all she needs to have a fulfilling life. But it is on, I’m ready! The paediatrician tells me that I’m already doing a lot of good and helpful things for Lexi. She tells me to carry on with those and perhaps start with Pecs** and Makaton*** to help Lexi with communication.
Lexi is still oblivious to what is happening as we are leaving but her big sister Alyssa has sensed something has happened and gives me a hug. She says “It’s okay mummy, Lexi is okay, we are all going to be okay”. Then with a big smile “you’re a good mummy.” I walk home fighting the tears, that was just what I needed to hear.
* Hackney Ark
Downs Park Rd, Hackney, London E8 2FP
020 7014 7000
https://g.co/kgs/tKfAMf
** http://www.pecs-unitedkingdom.com/
*** https://www.makaton.org/
